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Liberty Bellen
with ELLEN CHARLES
in Nutsville, Maryland
Thursday, February 21, 2008
EC: Duane "Dog" Chapman, who lost his reality show for three months after using a
racial slur, will soon return to the air on the Arts and Entertainment channel.
Chapman used the offensive term during a private phone conversation with his son.
He made public apologies after his son sold a recording of the conversation to a
tabloid for $15,000.
Chapman has been married five times and has twelve children.
A&E is famous for showing middlebrow biographies and BBC adaptations of classic
novels.
EC: Rare footage of gorillas banging face-to-face on Time magazine's website has
received heavy traffic.
EC: Not quite. Tokio Hotel, a four-member boy band, is introducing a new
generation of American teenagers to the combination of androgyny, pop rock, and
raging hormones that their parents knew and loved in David Bowie.
Similarities between Tokio Hotel's lead singer Bill Kaulitz and the artist formerly
known as Ziggy Stardust include strikingly high cheekbones, indecently tight pants,
and a fanatical female fanbase who, while identifying themselves as heterosexual,
feel strongly attracted to the man in full make up.
EC: A new study on geriatric health found that elderly men can increase their
chance of living after age ninety through five easy steps.
EC: Abstaining from smoking, managing their weight, controlling their blood
pressure, exercising regularly, and avoiding diabetes.
EC: Not mentioned in the study, though presumably also linked to living past age
ninety, are the following steps: abstaining from overly ambitious mountaineering,
avoiding head-on collisions with angry water buffalo, and looking both ways before
crossing the street.
EC: No word yet on whether this breakthrough will bring about a boom in vibrant
nonagenarian communities, nor are there yet adequate longitudinal studies
examining the connection between the aforementioned five precautions and a
joyless, living death known by those with excellent bowel movements and nothing
to do except watch daytime television.
© lizardmagazine.com, 2008
Back to the homepage
with ELLEN CHARLES
in Nutsville, Maryland
Thursday, February 21, 2008
- Other than Britney’s breakdowns and Lindsay’s lumps, what else has been
going on this week in the world of entertainment?
EC: Duane "Dog" Chapman, who lost his reality show for three months after using a
racial slur, will soon return to the air on the Arts and Entertainment channel.
Chapman used the offensive term during a private phone conversation with his son.
He made public apologies after his son sold a recording of the conversation to a
tabloid for $15,000.
Chapman has been married five times and has twelve children.
A&E is famous for showing middlebrow biographies and BBC adaptations of classic
novels.
- Smashing. Anything else?
EC: Rare footage of gorillas banging face-to-face on Time magazine's website has
received heavy traffic.
- OK. That’s it?
EC: Not quite. Tokio Hotel, a four-member boy band, is introducing a new
generation of American teenagers to the combination of androgyny, pop rock, and
raging hormones that their parents knew and loved in David Bowie.
Similarities between Tokio Hotel's lead singer Bill Kaulitz and the artist formerly
known as Ziggy Stardust include strikingly high cheekbones, indecently tight pants,
and a fanatical female fanbase who, while identifying themselves as heterosexual,
feel strongly attracted to the man in full make up.
- Yeah. Enough about yoof culture. How are all your grizzlies over there?
EC: A new study on geriatric health found that elderly men can increase their
chance of living after age ninety through five easy steps.
- Great! What are they?
EC: Abstaining from smoking, managing their weight, controlling their blood
pressure, exercising regularly, and avoiding diabetes.
- Uh-huh...
EC: Not mentioned in the study, though presumably also linked to living past age
ninety, are the following steps: abstaining from overly ambitious mountaineering,
avoiding head-on collisions with angry water buffalo, and looking both ways before
crossing the street.
- What are the implications of this study?
EC: No word yet on whether this breakthrough will bring about a boom in vibrant
nonagenarian communities, nor are there yet adequate longitudinal studies
examining the connection between the aforementioned five precautions and a
joyless, living death known by those with excellent bowel movements and nothing
to do except watch daytime television.
© lizardmagazine.com, 2008
Back to the homepage
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