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National Scam Month: where do I sign?
by A S H SMYTH
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
About a fortnight ago, I was conducting some cutting-edge anthropological research
at King’s College, London, interviewing students on issues of the utmost
philosophical import – ‘how much is a Guinness here?’ and so forth.
During one of my more gruelling interrogation sessions (concerning the delicate
balance of work/drinking, if I recall), one particularly pigeon-chested, porcelain-
faced* Music finalist suddenly cracked, and told me, wild-eyed, that he and his
friends had recently opted to receive their degrees, all going smoothly, from King’s,
per se, and not from ‘the University of London (KCL)’ (which just goes to show that
information obtained under torture can be not only unreliable, but also plain
uninteresting).
Why, I asked, would folk be quite so choosy about the minutiae of their degree
certificates, not least when the intellectual life is chock-a-block with a whole range
of other fascinating queries (see above).
Well, he said, it’s simple. As with War Studies, for example, KCL has a well-
regarded, top-class Music department: there’s little point busting your arse to get a
place there if people are going to confuse your degree with one earned at Royal
Holloway or SOAS.
Initially I dismissed his statement as the typical snobbery brought on by over-
exposure to any institution (I make no judgement myself, you understand: I merely
providing a summary of what was said). Anyway, I had more students to abuse. But
it set me to thinking…
Then, by a miracle of fortune, I received a sheaf of leaked documents from a reliable
source at SOAS.
The following communications describe a series of mishaps that occurred to SOAS
students in the final week of January. They are quoted without correction or
abridgement.
The following are the responses from the office of the SOAS Student Union. Unlike in
the previous two examples, I am told the sender is a native English speaker.
Suffice it to say, I am now rather more sympathetic towards the KCL students who
would rather not be lumped in with the kind of fools who unquestioningly hand over
great fistfuls of cash to ‘a son of a head designer of Ferrari’.
Now, we’ve all been on the receiving end of scams, or attempted scams, anyway.
Someone wants to help you get rich with him in Nigeria. A lady with an alluring
name would like you to consider a penis-enhancer (trust me: this one is a scam!).
Why, only the other day someone kindly passed on to me an e-mail, from Kenya,
informing the recipient that he had just won innumerable gazillions and suggesting
he send his bank details to some address in Ashford.
But it’s kind of the point of scam mails that we recognise them (immediately) for
what they are, laughingly forward them to our friends, and wait for them to appear
one day in The Little Book of Crap Scams. So why would anyone decide to give a
different response just because they happen to meet a scammer in person?
Some scams you can at least admire for their intricacy and execution. They tend to
be the ones involving trunk-loads of paste jewellery, hookers dressed as nuns (and
vice versa), or spray-painted life-size replicas of the QE2. But simply giving someone
your money because he asks for it? At least make the bastard mug you: I mean,
Russell Square isn’t exactly Soweto, after all!
I mention all this because it is, of course, National Scam Month. No… seriously. So,
you see, though it may seem like I’ve been taking the piss out of credulous twerps
at SOAS, really I’m just trying to do my bit for society. And if you’d like to contribute
to my Scam Awareness Campaign, please send your name and bank details to me
at ash@lizardmagazine.com.
--
* An awful affliction for any man, though not to be confused with looking like a toilet.
© lizardmagazine.com, 2008
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by A S H SMYTH
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
About a fortnight ago, I was conducting some cutting-edge anthropological research
at King’s College, London, interviewing students on issues of the utmost
philosophical import – ‘how much is a Guinness here?’ and so forth.
During one of my more gruelling interrogation sessions (concerning the delicate
balance of work/drinking, if I recall), one particularly pigeon-chested, porcelain-
faced* Music finalist suddenly cracked, and told me, wild-eyed, that he and his
friends had recently opted to receive their degrees, all going smoothly, from King’s,
per se, and not from ‘the University of London (KCL)’ (which just goes to show that
information obtained under torture can be not only unreliable, but also plain
uninteresting).
Why, I asked, would folk be quite so choosy about the minutiae of their degree
certificates, not least when the intellectual life is chock-a-block with a whole range
of other fascinating queries (see above).
Well, he said, it’s simple. As with War Studies, for example, KCL has a well-
regarded, top-class Music department: there’s little point busting your arse to get a
place there if people are going to confuse your degree with one earned at Royal
Holloway or SOAS.
Initially I dismissed his statement as the typical snobbery brought on by over-
exposure to any institution (I make no judgement myself, you understand: I merely
providing a summary of what was said). Anyway, I had more students to abuse. But
it set me to thinking…
Then, by a miracle of fortune, I received a sheaf of leaked documents from a reliable
source at SOAS.
The following communications describe a series of mishaps that occurred to SOAS
students in the final week of January. They are quoted without correction or
abridgement.
- EXHIBIT A
I have asked for this email to be sent to the students to warn them.
I totally regret that I was stupid enough to believe unknown person. I
haven't been deceived nor scammed before, so I'm dreadfully deep in
sadness now.
The person who deceived me (cons) is the height is 170-172cm, Caucasian,
speaks with an italian accent, a little Japanese. strong Italian accent in his
English – He has dark brown hair and sometimes wears knit hat. he says he
is the son of Italian celebrity and says he is a model of many European
brands, he makes up story that his cash was stolen, credit cards and
everything, and he has to go to Healthrow Airport and he really needs the
money for the rental car and flight tickets...etc. He has 3 jackets and says
these are very expensive but give you these. He shows you his passport and
driver's license but both of them are fake ones. He drives a silver coloured
small car. I think his target is asian male students (especially Japanese), he
drives around King's Cross, Russell Square and parks his car in relatively
small streets around these areas.
Above are his information and what I would like to inform all the students in
University of London, especially UCL and SOAS.
My friend (japanese male student in SOAS) was also deceived by him in the
same method the next day(on 26th Jan) I was deceived (on 25th Jan).
On the way to RS on Tuesday 29th, from Paul Robeson House, I happened to
see him parking his car and when he noticed me coming, he ran way from
there.
EXHIBIT B
Please refer to my experience when you send out another warning e-mail. I
don't want more victims of the man, either.
It is embarrassing to say, but I am a victim of the man, too. I guess it was
between 7 and 7:30pm on Friday, 25 January when I met him. I was
on the way home from Russell Square campus after a seminar. He approached
me in the same way that the other student described below, but a small
difference was that he introduced himself as the son of a head designer of
Ferrari. He even made a call to his father in LA, but I now trust it was another
swindler working with him. I did not believe what he said to me initially, but
he was about to cry begging my understanding of his situation. Then, I
thought that he might be in real trouble. Although the amount of money he
asked for was huge, I felt sorry for him and drew some money from an ATM in
Highbury area. And I told him that I was a poor student and to return the
money without fail once he got home. He offered me a return of 1,000
pounds, but I just told him to send me 370 pounds, which were the amount I
gave him. As he said he was heading to Heathrow airport, I even kindly
showed him the way to get to the right road.
However, he turned out to be a swindler taking advantage of innocent
students and I got very angry when I saw your e-mail saying that there were
other victims. I do hope there would not be any other victims of the man.
The following are the responses from the office of the SOAS Student Union. Unlike in
the previous two examples, I am told the sender is a native English speaker.
- DEAR STUDENTS
RECENTLY ONE OF OUR JAPANESE STUDENTS WAS APPROACED BY A CONMAN
WHO STOLE A LARGE SUM OF MONEY FROM HIM. THIS MAN IS TARGETTING
OVERSEAS STUDENTS, IN PARTICULAR JAPANESE STUDENTS.
PLEASE BE ON YOUR GUARD AND DO NOT GIVE ANY MONEY TO ANYONE WHO
APPROACH YOU ON THE STREET AND WHO SAYS THAT THEY URGENTLY NEED
YOUR HELP. IF YOU ARE WORRIED OR CONCERNED ABOUT THE PERSON, THEN
ASK HIM OR HER TO GET HELP FROM THE POLICE.
IF YOU HAVE BEEN A VICTIM OR EXPERIENCE THIS TYPE OF CRIME, YOU
SHOULD ALWAYS REPORT THE INCIDENT TO THE POLICE. YOU CAN ALSO GET
ADVICE FROM A MEMBER OF STAFF AT YOUR FACULTY OFFICE OR OUR OFFICE
AT VERNON SQUARE.
OUR STUDENT IS VERY UPSET AND DISTRESSED BY THIS INCIDENT AND HAS
ASKED ME TO LET YOU KNOW HIS STORY, SO THAT YOU DO NOT FALL VICTIM
OF THIS SCAM
Dear Students
I would like to let you know that since my email warning you of students
being targets of a conman, I have had emails from other students, who have
reported that they too have been victims. They wanted to confirm this scam
and let you know that there were more than one SOAS student that had
been a victim. Please be aware and warn other students who may not have
read the email.
If you or someone you know has been a victim and need some support
please contact me.
Suffice it to say, I am now rather more sympathetic towards the KCL students who
would rather not be lumped in with the kind of fools who unquestioningly hand over
great fistfuls of cash to ‘a son of a head designer of Ferrari’.
Now, we’ve all been on the receiving end of scams, or attempted scams, anyway.
Someone wants to help you get rich with him in Nigeria. A lady with an alluring
name would like you to consider a penis-enhancer (trust me: this one is a scam!).
Why, only the other day someone kindly passed on to me an e-mail, from Kenya,
informing the recipient that he had just won innumerable gazillions and suggesting
he send his bank details to some address in Ashford.
But it’s kind of the point of scam mails that we recognise them (immediately) for
what they are, laughingly forward them to our friends, and wait for them to appear
one day in The Little Book of Crap Scams. So why would anyone decide to give a
different response just because they happen to meet a scammer in person?
Some scams you can at least admire for their intricacy and execution. They tend to
be the ones involving trunk-loads of paste jewellery, hookers dressed as nuns (and
vice versa), or spray-painted life-size replicas of the QE2. But simply giving someone
your money because he asks for it? At least make the bastard mug you: I mean,
Russell Square isn’t exactly Soweto, after all!
I mention all this because it is, of course, National Scam Month. No… seriously. So,
you see, though it may seem like I’ve been taking the piss out of credulous twerps
at SOAS, really I’m just trying to do my bit for society. And if you’d like to contribute
to my Scam Awareness Campaign, please send your name and bank details to me
at ash@lizardmagazine.com.
--
* An awful affliction for any man, though not to be confused with looking like a toilet.
© lizardmagazine.com, 2008
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